you were lied to about focus

by now, you’ve probably heard the idea that “you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

i think it’s bullshit — but probably not for the reasons you’d expect.

like basically every old saying, the core idea behind it is easy for anyone to understand & relate to.

it’s so universal that even my great grandmother used to say something similar:

“choose your friends wisely, you become what they are.”

the core idea? makes sense.

the phrasing? completely misses the point.

here’s a version that i find more accurate:

“what you pay attention to, expands.”

let’s unpack that.

so you know how when someone points something out like “look how many Teslas there are on the road,” suddenly you start seeing Teslas everywhere?

turns out, stuff like that is so common that someone decided to give it a fancy name: The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon.

but as annoying as it can be sometimes, it’s actually a feature of the way our brains work, not a bug.

simply put, our brains are pattern recognition & prediction machines.

• pattern recognition = noticing that X leads to Y

• prediction = assuming that after Y, Z is probably next.

in the world humans adapted for — before modern technology like truck nuts — those 2 things were literally the difference between life & death.

like, imagine your caveman ancestor Bonk walking out of his cave in the morning to go do some caveman shit, when all of a sudden he notices a twig snap nearby. then, he looks over & sees a massive sabretooth tiger licking his lips at the sight of him.

assuming he gets out of that situation alive, what do you think Bonk is gonna listen closely for on his next walk outside? twigs snapping.

& what’s gonna happen every time Bonk hears a twig snap? he’ll probably shit his little caveman pants.

in other words

• pattern recognition: twig snap = sabretooth tiger turns me into an entrée

• prediction: every future twig snap = danger

we could go a layer deeper & talk about why that leads to a negativity bias (i.e. we’re wired to pay more attention to the sabretooth tiger on our right than to the handful of berries on our left), but the point i’m trying to make here is even simpler:

what you pay attention to, expands.

i know what you’re thinking:

“wow liam you’re so hot & sexy, what does it expand into?”

well,

any thought you allow into your mind affects what you do

but then

what you do over and over again becomes who you are

therefore

what you think about determines who you become.

i know this probably sounds like some woo woo wishy washy blah blah bullshit, but that’s because nothing i write here can replace the evidence you’ll get from just experiencing it for yourself.

so here’s how to do that:

1. figure out what type of person you want to be

if you want to become the best version of yourself, it helps to have an idea of who that person actually is.

want some ideas?

• what type of person would you want to have a beer with?

• what traits would you want your kid to have?

• what type of person would you want your kid to marry?

• if someone told you that you reminded them of someone, who would you hope they’re talking about?

• what type of stories do you want people to tell about you at your funeral?

you can also just invert all of those questions so you get the negative answers, & then just aim to be the opposite of that.

2. fix your ‘information diet’ so it helps you become that person

if most of social media is like junk food for your brain, find the information equivalent of health foods like vegetables or imported raw goat testicles (idk sounds healthy). hopefully this newsletter fits that category for you. other good places to start are books like The Almanac of Naval Ravikant, or podcasts like this one.

but don’t just copy me, find what works for y- oh shit that’s my next point.

3. find what works for you

most humans in history had limited access to new information. today, we have access to more information than we could ever possibly digest in a lifetime.

that means there’s a new important skill to develop: filtering out the signal (good stuff) from the noise (everything else).

here are some questions that might help you do that:

• does the person giving me life advice have a life that i’d actually want to live?

• does this info help or hurt my chances of achieving my goals?

• does the person giving me new info benefit in any way from me not achieving the result they’re supposed to help me achieve?

4. cut out the rest

every single thing you spend time & energy thinking about must deserve that time. period. if it doesn’t meet your standards (like the ones above), move on.

what you tolerate is what you’re gonna have to tolerate.

that’s still gonna be true whether you want it to be or not.

i know all this stuff is easier said than done, but i can’t think of many things that have improved my life as much as learning to control what i focus on.

what you pay attention to, expands.

some things i learned

1. in Ukraine, they don’t say the expression “there’s no free lunch”

   instead, they say “the only free cheese is in the mousetrap.” i think that goes so much harder, lol.

2. you’re not allowed to complain about a lack of AC anymore
   in the early days of the U.S. ~1776, accessing fuel was so hard that firewood made up 28% of the country’s GDP. think about that next time you press a button to change the temperature in your room!

3. you are not the thoughts inside your head
   you are the awareness that gets to decide what to do with the stuff inside your head. (source)

4. wealth is a ratio, not a number
   the simple equation is wealth = what you have/what you want. think about that one for a minute. (i think that’s another Hormozi-ism)

cool stuff i found

1. this is the post that inspired today’s big idea

   

2. i found a really good YT channel for skinny guys who want to bulk up
   it’s called Bony to Beastly, and if i had come across vids like this sooner, it probably would’ve saved me years of trial and error while bulking.

3. this really good-looking, smart, creative, humble guy just posted the best video ever
   you could check it out & maybe subscribe, like, & comment or something, idk. might be cool. here’s the link.

thanks for reading! i hope you got something out of this that can make your week a little bit better.

‘til next time!

~ liam (:

PS. i’m actually really proud of my latest video & it would mean a ton to me if you checked it out & left me a comment — i reply to all of them!